No, you’re not dreaming and we aren't joking.
This life size, 20-pound butt of solid milk chocolate goodness is every salad tossers dream come true!
Comes with a custom note, just leave a message for us with your order.
Gluten Free, and made from Peruvian cacao beans, this twenty pound chocolate butt is the perfect gift for your next practical joke, gag gift, or adult party.
Shipped anonymously of course.
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Getting a little tired of the old routine? Well, it’s time to get a little cheeky. What I mean is, it’s time to learn how to eat ass.
Because… yummy! Okay, maybe not to everyone – at least not at first. But you don’t know what you’re missing until you try it. Trust me. So, don’t go grossing out on me just yet. I have your guide here on how to eat ass.
#1 Do it if you want to. If you’re curious about rimming, then you should explore the idea of it and give it a try. But really, if you’re not into it, don’t do it. You won’t have an enjoyable experience if you’re not into it. Like who wants to have their head being held in someone’s ass? Exactly. Do it if you want to, and if your partner is pressuring you, then get a new one.
#2 Make sure your partner is down. If you’re into eating ass, that’s great, but you also have to make sure your partner is down for it. It doesn’t matter if they’ll be the giver or receiver, not everyone wants a tongue in their ass. Consent is key. Just have a chat about it with your partner and see if they’re down to try.
#3 Hygiene is key. I feel like this is the most important point. You should be keeping your genitals clean anyways, however, before having sex, make sure that you’re clean.
Many people who have a bad experience with analingus complain about hygiene. No one wants to eat a dirty ass. Before having sex, take a shower and with your finger, place it in your anus, making sure it’s clean. [Read: The craziest kinkiest sex stories from Reddit to make you go “Oh!”]
#4 You’ll need to tame the hair. Now, usually, you have some options when it comes to pubic hair. You can leave it, trim, shave, or wax it. And most people are fine with whatever you choose to do with your hair.
However, it’s a little different when it concerns the ass. You want to keep the ass back there as low as possible. Tonguing a hairy asshole isn’t fun. So, shave it, wax it, or trim it.
#5 Bring on the spit. The anus isn’t self-lubricated, so you’ll need to make it wet. This means you’ll be needing a lot of spit. Make sure that you lubricate the anus before inserting your fingers or toys. Don’t rush this part, you want your partner to enjoy the experience. [Read: How to prepare for anal sex – A beginners’ fantasy guidebook]
#6 Go crazy with your tongue. There are no “right” ways to use your tongue while rimming. You can make a variety of shapes with your tongue. You’ll just have to find out what turns your partner on the most.
What you want to focus on is keeping the anus stimulated which means you’ll have to switch up the motions. Alternate motions, change the speed, and use your breath. [Read: 16 ways to use your tongue down there and blow anyone’s mind]
#7 Get in there. After some time, the receiver’s anus will eventually relax, it may take some time depending how comfortable they are. When this happens, you’ll be able to use your tongue to dig in there. Don’t forget about the spit!
#8 No double dipping. You can’t double dip, I repeat, no double dipping. If you put something into your anus, you cannot use that same item and place it into the vagina. The anus contains bacteria which can be harmful to the vagina, causing infections and cystitis. So, keep this in mind… you want your partner to be healthy after analingus. [Read: The risks and dangers of anal sex – What to watch out for]
#9 Rinse your mouth after. You can use a dental dam while eating ass. This is essentially a barrier in between your mouth and the anus. That way, you won’t spread bacteria, viruses, and infection. You can use an unlubricated condom or a glove. However, if you don’t use a dental dam, then you’ll want to make sure you use mouthwash to sanitize your mouth.
#10 Use your hands. You can use more than your mouth when it comes to eating ass. You can use your fingers and hands to stimulate the frontal genitals and/or insert them into the anus. You can also grab your partner’s breasts while rimming. Point is, you have some options.
#11 Mix it up with toys. I wouldn’t use toys during my first time, however, if you feel confident then why not. You can incorporate butt plugs, anal beads and dildos by inserting them into the anus. It’ll help stimulate the male prostate, and for women, it’ll increase pelvic orgasms. It’s a win-win for everyone. (Spice it up with some cheeks)
#12 Spread them cheeks. Use your hands to spread the cheeks apart so you have more room to dig in. You want your tongue to be able to move freely. However, don’t spread them too far apart or else it’ll cause pain. You’re not trying to part the Red Sea.
]]>Have you ever wanted to send a gag gift to a good friend, without them knowing it was you? Or perhaps your plan is to send a snarky and inappropriate prank to someone you don’t like as much. Now you can literally send that person a Box of Butts by mail, thanks to an ingenious new startup company’s website. And by bag of dicks, I mean an actual baggie of delectable, colorful dick-shaped candies. Whether you choose to use this knowledge for good or evil is entirely up to you.
When you get your order from Cheeksbymail.com, you might be a little confused. But then you’ll immediately start laughing when you see that you’ve received a pouch full of ass-shaped gummies.
If you opt to send them to somebody else, the recipient will enjoy a sweet explosion of laughter sure to make them blush and brighten their day – or at least weird them out a bit.
This gift is perfect for riends, as they can have a laugh with everyone involved.
You don’t have to worry about the quality of the candy – this company delivers. The flavors of these gummies are off the chain. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill convenience store gummies.
They’re the type that makes you wonder…”Was that cherry? Or maybe some strawberry-orange hybrid?” “Is this lime or pear?” The exotic fruity flavors will leave you wanting more every time. It’s dangerous stuff we’re talking about here.
Some of you may be wondering why you would order something like this online…well why the heck wouldn’t you? These Cheeks By Mail are hilarious, inappropriate, super tasty – and can be sent anonymously.
You were probably just going to spend the money on drugs anyway, so why not?
]]>Introducing the V1 Butt-Cheek Gummy. Guaranteed to have even the most stubborn of your friends tossing salad (they claim they don't but we know, we all know).
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